"Cort, your college life is so funny. Most people have awesome college lives, but yours is just weird."
And then today, my dad was on the phone with me and said something along the lines of how he just laughs at everything that happens to me here at USU, since it is so out of the ordinary. So, I figured I'd share my life with the world to see if everyone else can get a kick out of it as well.
First things first, you have to know my situation. I procrastinated big time when it came to housing, so I didn't make it in to the freshman dorms on campus. Upon learning that, I decided to live off campus. However, not much is left when there's only 3 weeks before school starts (whoops), but I eventually found an apartment. Tiny, crappy, and appliances from the eighties. The best part? It is LITERALLY attached to a fully operating Dentist Office. Before you ask, the answer is yes. I do hear the drill on the daily. Lovely, isn't it? The only redeeming quality is how close it is to campus, which is basically across the street. So, there's my home.
The Dentist Office isn't ALL bad. it has some pretty bushes.
Next, we have my roommates. The one who shares a room with me is named Jeongsong. We can't say that, so we call her Christine. She came straight from Korea to Utah for a student teaching program, and will be here for one semester. She's incredibly nice, giving me gifts and all the first day we met. And by gifts, I mean a face mask/wipe thing. She saw my acne and instantly knew I needed it. She also is really funny, and makes jokes, but most of the time I can't understand but I laugh anyways. She has to be out of the house every morning by 6:30 so she wakes me up every morning, without fail, at 5 by getting ready. She has this routine where she 'pats' the moisturizer into her face. It sounds like the little girl from Despicable Me who makes that noise while hitting her cheeks. Does that make sense? Anyway, I hear that every morning. Something that freaks me out everyday though that she also does, is when she reads things in Korean (more like mouthing things but doesn't actually say the words) on her phone in her bed when I'm also in my bed, and it sounds like she is putting a curse on me.
This was my gift from Christine. She Laughed at me the entire time.
My other roommate is Laura. And she, my friends, is insane. In a good way and a bad way. I haven't really decided. She's super, super nice, always making me food and asking me about my day, but she just makes me wonder. She is a super huge fan of Marilyn Monroe and Bob Marley and has posters all over her room of them. She listens to reggae all the time, and loves to use an excess of essential oils that just makes our apartment reek. She has the tendency to put things on the stove and then leave the room. I can't tel you how many times things have boiled over, or when I come home to find my apartment smelling like something is burning. Apparently, I am going int the right major (social work) because people feel that they can just freely tell me things. Which I love, because I'm not quick to judge people. She confessed to me at one point that she is addicted to marijuana, wants to be a MMA fighter, and is only attracted to black boys. We'll get into other things that she does later, but one thing that you have to know is that she is CONSTANTLY making weird noises. Sighing, groans, shrieking, grunting, muttering to herself, farting, belching, ALL the time.
As well as my roommates and people around me, other things go on that are also worth sharing, so I will treat with those as well. :)
Twitter is basically a journal of my life in 140 characters every day. I don't to miss any of the vital strange occurrences that have happened in the past, so I am going to post some of my tweets I made when they happened and then explain the situation in more detail until I can catch up on it all. So here we go!
10/1/13 " I was at the grocery store today & two random little kids were next to me. Some guy came up & told me I look great for having two kids."
People in Utah just assume if you wear a Utah State shirt that you are married with kids. These kids were probably 5 and 3 and just so happened to be in the same aisle as me as their mother was around the corner. I mean, I guess people get married by 18 and have a kid by 19, but a 5 year old? Come on, do I really look 23? Welcome to the life of someone in a state that is prominently LDS.
10/6/13 "I came back home and my roommate had shaved half her head and dreaded the other half. She also used my blender. Home sweet home...?"
Now this is a story. I had just gotten back from an amazing weekend in Salt Lake with Chase, where we had gone to a Tech N9ne concert and General Conference. (Yes, I am aware of the huge contrast, haha.) Anyway, I was walking back to my apartment from the bus with my suitcase and iPod blaring in my ears. It was almost 11 on a Sunday night, so I figured nothing was going on, so you can imagine how high I jumped when I see this random guy outside my apartment and my front door wide open. I thought he had robbed us! When he saw the look on my face, he quickly explained that he was there to see Laura. I walk in to, I kid you not, what looked like an exorcism or creepy ritual. There was a full length mirror in the front room, as well as 2 lit candles on the floor, with class broken on the sides and shards of glass all over the floor. My initial reaction was "what. the. h***." I see my roommate run up with a hood over her head and she gets all excited. "Cortney! You're home!" I don't even acknowledge her excitement, and just ask "what is all this?" The guy that was, for whatever reason, still at my door says "She did her hair." Oh, like that explains ANYTHING. He speaks again. "Laura, just show us." So, she does. She had added extensions to her reddish hair, dyed part of her hair blonde, and shaved the left side of her head almost completely. She went on to explain how she had to break the jars that the candles were in to get to the wax so she could put the wax in her hair to keep the extensions in. Okay?
After that, I just wanted to relax and make myself a smoothie. I almost missed my bus home, and was sad that I wouldn't see my boy for another month and a half and just wanted a smoothie for my troubles. I look high and low for my blender and can't find it anywhere. After 5 minutes of searching, I ask Laura and she"s all "Oh yeah! I used it this morning and forgot to wash it. I'll go get it" Oh. Cool. Now, if you know anything about me, you know I do not like to share my stuff. I absolutely HATE it. Especially if I pay for it, and especially if the person doesn't ask beforehand, and ESPECIALLY if it is easily breakable. I was already annoyed, so at this point I wanted to wring her neck. She brought back the blender jar and I just threw it in the sink and went to bed. Since that occasion my roommates have used my grill, plates, and Tupperware without asking and without washing them. So much consideration, right?
10/10/13 "No offense, but I really don't want to touch your disgusting dreads."
My roommate started to pay me $20 bucks to dread her disgusting unwashed hair. I do it twice a week, so that her dreads grow out right. The things you do when you are poor.
10/15/13 "Currently hiding out in the library to avoid going home and being forced into doing upkeep on my roommates dreads."
Self explanatory.
10/16/13 "I woke up in the middle of the night to my roommate's night terror. Cool."
I was almost into a deep sleep when Christine (korean) SCREAMS BLOODY MURDER out of no where. Not only did I jump, but I was shaking for the next couple of minutes. This has happened twice since then.
10/16/13 "My roommate tries to mask the smell of of her weed by overpowering it with other herbal scents. It works, but our apartment smells real funky."
She thinks I don't know she smokes in her room, but after the fact that she's offered it to me on multiple occasions, I'm more than on to her.
10/20/13 "My roommate is just walking about the apartment in her Walmart panties. Ok."
Now, I hate pants as much as the next person, and don't mind the casual "hanging out in your room alone in your undies" or that walk from the bathroom to the bedroom. But I don't want to sit on the couch next to you or at the dinner table when there is one layer separating me and your...privates. I don't know you like that, and nor do I want to. I spend time with you because I have to. I don't want to spend time with your lower body parts.
And now to the more recent things that I didn't tweet about.
10/26/13-The Howl
Laura came into my room, as she always does (unannounced, too) and told me that she was going to be an Avatar for the Howl that night. I guess she gets a lot of comments that she looks like one because of her dreads. For those of you who don't know, the Howl is a big deal here in Utah. It's a HUGE Halloween event that takes place on Utah State's campus. People all the way from Salt Lake, Provo, Orem, etc, take the long drive up north to Logan just to come. There's always a relatively famous band that comes to play, lots of sweet costumes, and a MASSIVE dance party. Anyways, she wanted my help to get ready. The thing about Laura, is that she doesn't ask. She just says "Cortney, I need you to help me. You have to help me." So, I really can't get out of it. I help her paint herself, and put on lashes and the whole shabang. We paint stripes on her the way she liked and then went back to doing my thing. She was gone a half hour later, and I swear to you, there was blue streaks ALL OVER my apartment. On the walls, fridge, kitchen appliances, doors, bathroom, couch. And guess who had to clean it up? The only person who ever does. Yours truly.
10/28/13- The Oatmeal Incident
Monday. I had accidentally slept through part of my first class, so I decided to just not go. I was excited that I had more time to eat breakfast, since I usually have no time and am forced to wait until 10:30 to eat a good meal. I go to the fridge because I remembered that I had one last serving left over of the steel cut oatmeal I had made a couple days ago. I had already gotten excited about it, fantasizing about mixing it with peanut butter, throwing some granola and banana slices on top. Oh, I was ready to put that in my belly. To my surprise, I open my fridge and the first thing I see just doesn't make any sense to me. My Tupperware was there, and so was my oatmeal. But, not the way it should have been. The bowl and lid where perfectly intact, but my mound of cold, refrigerated oatmeal was ON TOP on the closed lid. Mind boggling. My hypothesis is that the Tupperware fell off the shelf of the fridge (which happens a lot since I have the smallest shelf in the fridge...surprised?) hit the ground, causing the lid to come off and oatmeal to hit the ground. What I don't understand though, is why the culprit didn't a.) just throw the oatmeal away and then notify me or b.) put the oatmeal back inside the container and back in the fridge, hoping I wouldn't notice. It makes no sense to me to leave put the container back in the fridge and then put the oatmeal on top of it. I do not understand this logic.
And now, I place an end to my first post. Here's a picture of me and my babies for some enjoyment.
