Bragging rights go to me

Frankly, I really don't  have anything to write about. I mean, I do, but they are all uninteresting. Like when a guy in the institute building said "Howdy, howdy!" to me as he walked by and I was caught off guard so I was just like "Guh--" (Thinking he was going to ask "how are you" and being sadly surprised and mistaken) or just now when I unplugged my head phones and Tech N9ne was blasting in the silent computer lab at a slightly profane part. Or maybe that I discovered that you can see through a crevice of my window into my room from outside, making me very fearful that some innocent bystanders have seen some of my underwear dance parties. But other than that, literally I got nothing. But I want to write. So here I am.

This week has been rough. Filled with voluntary 2 hour work outs (say what you will about my time management but I have kissed 8 pounds of fat away in the past month so...ha!), social welfare agency visits (That I procrastinated badly considering next week is the last week of school), having strangers text me incessantly to accompany on such visits since we all procrastinated, writing papers, doing work sheets, discussion readings and posts, a talk for sacrament meeting, cramming in early morning grocery store trips via public transportation and a sociology final. I've just wanted to crawl into a hole. (Preferably one filled with these protein bars that trick me into thinking I'm eating candy). Or like, go home. Home-home. To G-town.

I am 10000% done. Literally and figuratively. So, what makes me happy when I'm not? My boy. :)

And ice cream, but that's irrelevant.

Sometimes, I get really embarrassed that he reads these things, or when he finds out I have been listening to his Soundcloud because it is linked up to Facebook. I really don't want to be that "overly attached girlfriend" since my big eyes already fit the criteria...

 But, I miss him really a lot. So what else can I do after I have watched Letters to Juliet, The Lucky One, Dear John, Footloose and Safe Haven all within the past week and want my own Charlie, Logan, John, Ren and Alex? (And you all wondered why I didn't have a social life. Actually, that probably never even crossed your mind.)

But anyways, I want to write about Chase because really struck gold when it comes to him. (and I wasn't even digging because I kind of planned on being a little bit of a slut my freshman year of college). For those of you who don't know, we've basically in a long distance relationship for our entire relationship. The only times we've really been together while being "together" were my breaks from school and like a month of summer beforehand. And that's it. We've talked every single day, without fail, my entire 2 semesters at school. And when everyone says, "that sucks that you're in a long distance relationship". However, whenever anyone says that, I think the opposite. I mean, what is more cool than a guy being 800 miles away from you for months at a time and stays completely loyal, who talks to you every day, is there to call when you're sad, or calls you when he knows you are sad but are being too stubborn to ask for help, make you laugh or smile and anything else. This kid actually likes me! And that is mega weird for the girl who before going to school contemplated majoring in "Third-wheeling".  (seriously though, I am the best if you need a cop out or a tag along for a pity date. I may have an actual business plan for this.) He is my best friend in every sense of the word and continues to inspire me and encourage me everyday, while also being my number one distraction from all school work. (It's all about balance right?) Anyways, he came into my life right when I needed it most and nothing makes me more joyful and grateful than that. He keeps me grounded with his always reliable, sometimes semi-brutal honesty, while I continue to set up camp on Cloud 9.

And some pictures for my own indulgence.

Expect the unexpected? Pls.

This year of college is nearing the end, and in the coming weeks, I'm going to have A LOT to do, so I figured writing in the blog now would be the best thing to do now instead of getting ahead on my work.

That's just my good, excelling, student logic. (ha, yeah right.)

Anywho, I figured I'd explore the topic that came into my head this weekend, which is that my freshman college life was not only like what most people experience, but also completely opposite of what I had expected all through out high school. And here is my list:

I had expected:

1.) To room with a friend from high school (Brittany you got my hopes up, dangit!), or at least connect from people from high school.
2.) I would live in a dorm with a bunch of cool girls who occasionally stole my clothes but also had clothes I could steal.
3.) To have a posse to hit up dance parties with
4.) Kiss/go on dates with lots of boys
5.) Share a bathroom with a whole floor of girls
6.) Have a job
7.) Read my textbooks every night
8.) Own a laptop on which I could type my papers from home.
9.) Go on late night food runs with my roomies and/or people from my floor
10.) Have plans every weekend.
11.) Join the lacrosse team
12.) Pulling all nighters with a huge thing of caffeine beside me to fuel me
13.) To do well in classes that had everything to do with my major
14.) Do poorly in classes that had nothing to do with my major
15.) Make friends with the people in class that sat near me
16.) To have a friend group to call my own
17.) Have a roommate with a car so we could all pile in for our grocery trips
18.) To stay out in the wee hours of the night doing hoodrat things
19.) Gain some freshman 15
20.) To love being away from Gilbert and everything familiar to me
21.)  To be anxious to go back to school every time I went home for a break of some sort
22.)  Being able to bake cookies for people
23.) Become a true aggie

Annnnddd what actually happened:

1.) I came up here completely alone, and although I have people from high school around, I never see them. And its April.
2.) I lived in an apartment, connected to a dentist office with Korean people living above and below me who love to cook weird foods and sing Taylor Swift while in the shower. (I hear it from my kitchen). As well as some creepy dude who takes his morning smokes. I lived with a psycho druggie roommate and a Korean and then ended up living in a empty apartment all to myself.
3.) What dance parties? What posse? What is a social life?
4.) Found myself an incredible boy in the summer before school started that I never expected anything to happen with or to continually go well for the whole school year. :)
5.) I only had to share a bathroom with two sloppy girls, that i had to personally clean. And then I got it for myself.
6.) ...never applied for a job and have collected the credit card debt i learned NOT to do in my Financial Apps class senior year. (I'm sorry Mr. Hoffland, it probably didn't stick since you hated me.)
7.) I think I have only ever opened my text books while studying for an exam. Like the week before. Or night before. Or day of. Or on my way to that class.
8.) I had to go to the computer lab in the harsh winter nights of December. I decided against it and missed ^ online assignments. #whoops #arizonagirlstruggles
9.) Pop tarts runs by myself in the institute. Or forcing Chet to walk to Subway with me.
10.) I did well at having plans at first...but now I leave for the weekends probably 3 times a month. Friday and Saturday included.
11.) Haha noope. Dodged a bullet and a financial downfall by avoiding that.
12.) I have yet to pull an all nighter. *self high five*
13.) Got a D+ in my Psych class (I'm a social work/ social science major) ( I did bad in psych because of the stupid online assignments).
14.) B in Biology. (I hate physical science)
15.) I never made friends sitting next to people in class, but my boxercise class has made me a lot of good friends that I get to act stupid with. For example, dance around the gym acting like seals and sky dancers (if you remember that 90's toy I applaude you) with kick-catching mitt thingies. (There is no maturity).

16.) I have no go-to "group", per say, but friends who invite me places more than others. And I love them.
17.) I ride the bus by myself for groceries. Always. So did my roommate, until the shopping cart incident. (see previous blog posts)
18.) I think I stayed out until 2 once to watch A Night's Tale. (I didn't get to choose the movie)
19.) Lost a freshman 10. :o
20.) I was so homesick. Still am a lot of the time. Utah people are still weird to me.
21.) I'm anxious to go home for the next break every time I get back to school...
22.) Roommate stole my cookie sheet when she moved out. Good thing I stole her bowl.
23.) Not a necessarily a "true" aggie, BUT I did get to kiss my special someone on the "A", so it counts enough for me!


All in all, it has been one....interesting year to say the least. Things definitely didn't go as planned, but I know that at the very least, I had a few things (Particularly 4, 16, and 23) that turned out better than I ever would have expected. That doesn't go to say that I will miss it here, because valley winds, cold, long distance relationships and being lonely for a better part of my time, is not my cup of chocolate milk. (chocolate milk in my favorite. Tea sucks.)


And now pictures.

A sky dancer, so you know what I am talking about.

Okay, so I do hoodrat things sometimes

My school is pretty. And I am a pro photographer.

One thing I will miss when I leave here...

If this semester kills me, you can find me here. The on-campus cemetery. Yes I am serious.

College.

This is my view as I do my laundry. Yes, I live a life filled with glamour.

Making my Landlord give me a new fridge. Like a boss.

Aaaand this one is just to be self indulgent. We are models.

April snow brings a great big "NO!"

So, um, when is Utah going to stop pranking me? April fools is over and so is winter. Officially even so WHY is it literally storming outside with fluffy white sadness falling from the sky? Yes, I did refer to snow as sadness. I am sad. So very sad. Being in 70 degree weather in Arizona really threw me off.

So, I haven't blogged in a while because I am too busy enjoying life! Took a 2 week long spring break (which was THE BEST BREAK YET), missed a good 9 class periods, and then spent the next few weeks catching up, preparing for exams, taking exams, missing an exam on accident, going to a ballet by myself and almost being stranded at the theater and oh so much more. You can skip through if you really want to get to the better parts, but I'm going to break down the highlights into sections. Enjoy! (or not. you are free person. if you are reading this while in America at least)

CUTE SIDE OF CORTNEY'S LIFE:

Alright, so here I am bragging again, but um, how can I not? I nabbed a real gem and I am proud of it. My boy, Chase Gilmore, is the greatest, moral of the story. The moral doesn't typically come first, but this will prepare you.

I flew home from Salt Lake on a Tuesday night. It was my first time ever flying by myself, so that was an adventure in and of itself. I can't tell you how many time I had to ask for help, despite flying about 10 times beforehand. But I somehow made it Phoenix unscathed and ready for my break. I called Chase (who was picking me up from the airport) and I got that familiar feeling of my heart racing and getting excited to see him again. But that was kind of ruined by this psycho lady who was controlling the traffic and the curb pick up. Really, she was an ornery, cranky woman who just waddled around waving and yelling at people, while putting herself in danger by putting herself in front of cars. I was intrigued and entertained by this to no end, until he rolled up with that huge "Sundown Audio" decal on his windshield. He picked me up and we immediately went out to eat at a restaurant in Phoenix. (we are suh fancy) Right as we were seated, I noticed this cute see-through box on the table that had the salt and pepper inside it. I made a comment about how cute it was and how I wanted to steal it so I had a place to put my salt and pepper. Chase then grabbed it, took out the things inside of it and slide it onto his lap underneath the table. I just figured he was going along with my joke and laughed, but then he slid it back to me. I kind of pushed it away since I didn't want our waiter to think I was going to actually steal it or anything, but Chase pushed it towards me again. I kind of pushed it back again, but as I did, I saw something inside it. A deck of cards. "You got it!" I was so happy. A couple days before I had sent him a deck of cards, each one saying something on it that I loved about him. 52 things I love about Chase. He had never told me he had got it, so I was so excited that it showed up in the mail before I had gotten into town. He told me to look again. Around the deck, holding it together were these elastic bracelets that he had had his brother make for me that I was really excited about. But upon realizing that, I noticed the deck was a lot fatter. Chase had taken the same cards that I had put the things I loved about him on and on the backside of every single card, he put what he loved about me. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. I melted. Melted into a heart shaped puddle. I went through them all, smiling bigger and bigger at every card. I had accidentally put two things on one card, so I had a card left over. So he took that to his advantage and on both side's put "and that is why we are a full deck". I'm a lucky one.

So break went on, and although Chase worked most days, I saw him EVERY SINGLE DAY. We went out to eat, ate at home, went to Jesters, watched the finale of Breaking Bad (it was our thing that bonded us over summer), took naps upon naps, worked on his car, watched movies, got froyo, got scared out of our pants by some freaks on the road while we were trying enjoy said froyo and more. I actually got to see a few girl friends this time and get my nails done, go tanning, go shopping, which I hadn't done in months so that was fun, too. Arizona is just the place to be, man!

BACK TO COLLEGE! (Noooooo)

I am never excited to come back to Logan, and this time was not an exception. But this time I kept the tears in until I was in my apartment because I was took busy holding on for dear life on that flight to Ogden. Seriously, we were on a sketchy plane (flying Allegiant) and the wind was blowing like I was landing in the eye of a tornado in Kansas. Okay, not really, but turbulence was something I had never experienced and me being terrified by airplanes as it is, I was not a fan. I also was not a fan of this puny little airport that had no food except vending machines. So my nutritious meal was a Reese's peanut butter cup until I got home at 7 that night. (my flight was at 1). 

So, once I got back to the old grind, I spent two weeks catching up. Doing all things school related and spending the weekends playing my guitar in solitude or watching movies on my own. It sounds depressing...but its not because I'm used to it! Haha college has destroyed my ability to be social. But I am not kidding. Here is an example.

My friend Jess had called me earlier in the week for my to accompany her at her boyfriend's band concert (performance? idk). (By the way, the band's name is the Immodest Socks and her boyfriend plays the banjo. Which is awesome) Anyways, before the show, we met some up with some of her boyfriend's friends which she had already known, but I hadn't met before. They got on the topic of only coming to Logan to go on Tinder dates. Which, started mine and Jessica's mocking of Tinder for the entire night. It was basically the theme of giving this one guy a hard time about his Tinder dates. 

Tinder, for some of you older folk, is an app that shows you people in your area and you decide if you think they are attractive or not. If you do, and that goes through a list of people and find you attractive as well, you get a "match". If you get a match, then you can start a conversation with this person. But only if you both find each other attractive does that make sense? Anyway, it's supposed to be like online dating, but college students use it as a tool to meet girls and make out with them, yada, yada, yada. It has that stigma to it, and almost everyone has a bad, strange, funny or scary experience with it. EVERYONE. Including me. But, I'll get to that later.

So, we had been with one of Jessica's boyfriend Steve's friends before the show, because the other one was with a girl he was on a date with. So after the show we were all together talking, and someone brought up something about Tinder. So, I went off making fun of it again. Dancing around and singing "It's going down, I'm yelling TINDERRRR". Well, apparently the guy who we hadn't been with for the majority of the night, (the one who was currently on a date with a girl) had found her on TINDER. So I wasn't paying attention, but I guess the guy had motioned to Jess that he had met this girl on Tinder as we started to make fun of it in front of the both of them, so she stopped. But no, not me, I just kept going. Completely clueless. Poor girl.
This is why no one invites me places anymore.

"YOU'RE A RAPIST!"

How's that for an attention grabbing title? But it actually fit the situation. Now, I never wrote about this, because A.) I felt like an idiot B.) it was embarrassing C.) it was so stupid of me and D.) I hadn't fully recovered from when I had to tell Chase about it, even though at the time we weren't "officially official". But it is a good story nonetheless, so I will share.

So, this was around Halloween time. It had been weeks since I had seen Chase, and still about a month before I would see him again. So, that was depressing in itself, but I also had zero friends. No one to call when I was bored and no one to really talk to. I had my crazy roommate, but I kind of avoided her at all costs, and my Korean roommate was always gone anyways until like 1 in the morning. So there is the back story of my desperation for any human contact besides my brother's friends whom I was convinced only ever invited me because Chet made them. 

So fast forward to the Howl. this huuuuge party we have on campus for Halloween. Costumes, dancing, a live band, the whole shabang. College students come from all over Utah to come to this apparently. I had bought tickets to go with my brother's/my friends, but it was still hours away. So I got ready. (which was me dressing up, looking like the lamest cowgirl you had ever seen since my costume was so last minute). So I got ready and was just sitting around my apartment waiting fro the time to pass. As I was laying on my couch, I was on my iPod just going about my social media, when I had remembered hearing a lot about an app called Tinder. I had never heard of it until I got to college. So I went to the app store and got it. I figured it out, put a picture of myself and started scrolling through the people. I wasn't looking for anyone to date, but I was just wanting to know what everyone was talking about. I liked some people, disliked others, with no intention of meeting people or anything. So I passed the time and went to the Howl. Afterwards, I came home ready for and I saw that I had a notification from a match on Tinder. I messaged back (the second mistake, the first being that I made an account in the first place) and had a short conversation with the guy, that we will call "S". S went to Utah State as well, so we talked about school, majors, where he lived in proximity to campus, where I lived, where he was from, whether or not he went to the Howl, what we both dressed up as. A friendly conversation. After I laid down in bed, I went to the app and deleted it. Thought nothing of it. The next day, I got a text from a random number that said "Uh, did you block me on Tinder?" I was freaked out and asked "How did you get my number?!?" "Facebook! I'm sorry, is that weird?" My picture I had used for Tinder was the same as my profile picture, so looking up "Cortney" on Facebook and "Utah State University", it wouldn't be hard to find. I replied to him saying "um, yeah. Just a little." Really, I was FREAKED OUT. Like, what the heck? College people are weird and scary and I don't like it! I expected better from Utah, but horny college-aged people are horny college-aged people wherever you go! So S tried to pick up the conversation where I left off, but I ignored him. And this went on for 2 weeks. he would text me every few days. I didn't have his number saved, but the area code was different from anyone in Utah so I knew it was him. So late one night, I had just gotten back from a bonfire with people and was feeling really upset. Sad that I hadn't made any friends of my own and that I felt like I was just the tag along to people. An annoyance. A nuisance. So S texted me that night and said something along the lines of, "Look, I know you have been giving me the cold shoulder, but I really just wanted to hang out with you to just talk to you. I don't have many friends here... I promise I won't try anything. I just want to get to know you." I felt that sympathy. He was from out of state, and even though he was 21, he was a freshman at a new school by himself. So, me being in the state that i was in, feeling like we had something in common, I agreed to give him the benefit of the doubt. (Just a side comment, NO STRANGER SHOULD RECEIVE THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT AFTER MIDNIGHT) This is where the REAL stupidity kicks in. So, I told him to meet me on campus, in the open on this Saturday night where people are bound to be up and about. Especially by the sorority houses, which is where I told him to meet me. So, we did just that. But upon the first step outside, it was colder than I anticipated. I went outside and waited until I saw his tall, skinny guy walk up to me. It was really awkward. Especially when S went in for an unexpected hug and I smelled alcohol on his breath. (I had a bad feeling then. Ignored it. Tried to not be judgmental. Again, I am an idiot.) So we talked outside for a bit, but it got too cold to bear, so I just made the decision to take our meeting to my apartment since my roommate was home. (another bad move. Showing him where I live after he stalked me to get my number? (so dumb.)

SO. We got inside and I sat down on the couch, expecting him to do the same. He looked around at my kitchen and my ugly apartment, before he said " I want to see your room" and darted down the hallway before I could say a word. (REDFLAG! REDFLAG! REDFLAG!) I chased after him. "Which bed is yours?" I didn't even answer, I just said "Okay, you've seen my room, now GET OUT!" He sits down on my bed and makes himself at home. I was PISSED. I started to be extremely rude and sassy. He tried to ask me questions, but I was like "I'm not saying anything until you leave my room." He didn't budge. So I continued to be snarky to him and unbelievably sarcastic. Not even phased. He sat on my bed and talked to me while I stood in the doorway, arms folded glaring at him. He started to tell me about his life fro the next half hour or so, so I let my guard down and started thinking that he wasn't so bad after all. Laura was in the next room, the door was wide open, and Christine should be back ANY minute. So, I warmed up enough to him that I sat down on the bed on the opposite side. My back was against the wall, my arms were folded as he continued to tell me about moving a lot since his dad was in the military, him serving a mission in South America for 6 months, then coming home early because he didn't believe in the church anymore. It was interesting, so I mellowed out even more. I told him about my life, my boyfriend (which I was VERY clear about) and my crappy college experience. I lightened up and started to have a good time with my new friend but that came to an abrupt stop when out of nowhere, he put his hand up the leg of my pants to see if I had hairy legs. (Which I did, but that is besides the point.) I went to go push his hand away but he grabbed my wrist, I looked at him, half puzzled half angry, when he grabbed my other one. I tried to pull away but he was just looking me in the eyes saying:

"Cortney, you're so adorable. I have had a great time tonight, and I know I said that I wouldn't try anything, but I feel like we have a real connection. And I feel like you want to kiss me as much as I want to kiss you." 

Me: (in my head) 'where the freak is Christine!?!?!'

(In reality) "Uh, I don't think you're reading me right. I have a boyfriend, remember?"

S: "That doesn't matter right now. All that matters is how you feel right now."

Me: (Thoughts) 'okayyyy you freak!'

(reality) "S, I'm not going to kiss you. I don't want you to kiss me either."

S: "So you're telling me, if I lean in, you're going to reject me?"

Me: "YES" (remember, he is still holding both of my wrists so I am almost defenseless. In an AWFUL position. I didn't know if I should scream for Laura or what. I was freaking out.)

S leans in and I move my head to the left, dodging his kiss. 

S:"Really!?" 

Me: "I told you!"

He tries AGAIN. I am livid at this point.

S: "awh, come on!"

Me: "S, I told you. I DON'T want to ki--"

He kissed me mid-sentence. Tried to even go for the make out. I pulled out my Napoleon Dynamite techniques of "breaking the wrist and walking away", except I broke the wrist and jumped off my bed.

Me: "Get. Out."

S: "but Cort--"

Me: "GET OUT!" 

I am screaming at him at this point, which makes sounds from Laura's room of her getting up out of bed so he gets up, thinking he"ll have to deal with two pissed off girls.

On his way out, he tries to apologize saying things like "I'm sorry! it's been over a year since I kissed anyone!" and other stupid excuses, and I"m just like "I don't care. You're a rapist! You're disgusting, LEAVE!" He keeps trying to defend himself as I am shooing him out the door, but I would have none of it. I probably overreacted but, I was mad. I just wanted a friend.

He later apologized to me, and I accepted, But I also made sure not to see him again.

So there you have boys and girls! Tinder is no bueno unless you want stories and horrific experiences! So it can be fun! Its all up to you! I only had mine for a total of 5 hours! The possibilities are endless!

Until next time, loves. 

Peace and Blessings, Peace and Blessings.